Folding, spindeling, and mutilating lauguage for fun since Aug, 2004
Wednesday, 12 March 2008

Women!  Take personal responsibility for your own safety.  I know it's tough, but you can do it by starting small.  All you have to do is make some small changes in your dating habits.  Lets start with the easy ones.

1)  Don't date men who describe themselves as "Christian Libertarians". (especially ones who look like they have had someone give their head a bikini wax)

2)  If you do date a self-described Christian Libertarian, and he buys you a diet Coke, assume it is laced with GHB, and don't drink it.  See, a "Christian Libertarian" will view knocking you out and having his way with you as the moral equivilant of stealing a purse you left lying around.  If you are going to date them, it's best to understand their culture and customs so you don't find yourself in situations like this.  See, "date rape" isn't like "Genuine rape".  It doesn't count.

3) Before you engage in innocent flirting, or put on that cute little outfit that shows off all the hard work you did in the gym for the last year, make sure that there will be no Christian Libertarians around where they can see you.  For that matter, consider moving to Berkley or someplace like that where it is toxic for Christian libertarians to live before you join a gym and commit to working out.

4)  Don't flirt with Christian Libertarians.  In their strange culture, flirting is agreeing to have sex...not a preliminary social ritual to gague a potential partner's interest, compatablility, or social acumen.  Also, changing your mind isn't allowed.

5)  Remember, if you put effort into looking good, a "Christian Libertarian" will view it as an invitation to rape you.  See, like the people on the street who overhear your conversation with a friend and interject themselves uninvited, a "Christian Libertarian" doesn't understand that even though you might be sending signals of sexual receptivness, you are not necessarily talking to THEM, and that you do not wave your right to say "no".

6) Actually, if you want to be safe from "Christian Libertarians", forget all of the above.  Just wear a Burqua.

7)  Oh wait, that won't help either.  Then they'll just shoot you.

8)  It doesn't matter what you do, the Christian Libertarians will get you.

9)  It'll be all your fault.

10) They don't need the government or any damn women telling them what to do.  They have all sorts of self-control.

(Hat Tip:

Wednesday, 12 March 2008 09:13:47 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [0] |  |  |  | #
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