What I’ve learned about running so far (newer entries).

1)      In an Endurance Run; measurement unit of liquid input: quarts.  Measurement unit of liquid output: teaspoons.

2)      You can actually accumulate enough salt crystals on your skin to become noticeably sparkly, and relatively dusty.

3)      Yes Virginia, there ARE people stupid enough to try to drive their cars (and bikes) on a clearly marked and barricaded closed course.

4)      Also, there are people who are stupid enough to walk their dog and their entire family five abreast down a clearly marked and barricaded closed course, completely blocking the course, and still managed to look surprised and irritated when the competitors want to pass through their midst.

5)      It is not possible to overestimate the bracing nature of a complete stranger clapping and yelling “Wooo!  Great Job runners!  You’re doing great!”  (If you are at a race just to see one person…pick a couple of other competitors to cheer on as well.  You will make their day every time they see you)

6)      In an Endurance Run:  Run as close to nekked as is allowed by law.

7)      In an Endurance Run:  For God’s sake men…tape or otherwise support your Man-boobs if you’re going to wear a shirt.  The rest of us have our own problems and looking at the evidence of your bleeding nipples isn’t a help.  Prevention is good for everyone, is all I'm saying.

8)      Looped courses are very good.  If you have to be toward the back of the pack…at least you get to watch all the pretty world-class athletes speed past you…buff, glistening in the sunlight, and as close to nekked as allowed by law.  (Oh yes, Teresa has a new happy place)

9)      That said, courses that loop you past the finish line more than five times before you actually get to cross it are VERY BAD for your race psychology.

10)   Nobody’s cheers and encouragements mean as much as those of your fellow runners.  Cheer on your fellow runners if you see them falter, and you will move them to do their very best in a way someone on the side-lines never could.

Older list entries:

11)  “There are more things than are dreamed of in your philosophy, Horatio.” Some of them are hip muscles that are also not dreamed of in your High School Advanced Anatomy and Physiology class.  They are small, neglected, and quick to anger.

12)  There are, indeed, effective sports bras for outrageously endowed women.  They are made from material that could be used to restrain an enraged Clydesdale, and the cost of one would feed a family of twelve in Nigeria for several months.

13)  Having an effective sports bra when you are not used to one can really throw off you sense of rhythm.

14)  There are some extremely friendly little old men out and about on the walking/jogging trails in the middle of the day.  They are usually walking with extremely grumpy-looking little old ladies.

15)  There are people who really hate running.  I mean, really hate running.  Words will not be able to convey to you just how much, but when they find out you are training for a running race, they will try anyway.  Sometimes, their communication borders on interpretive dance.

16)  When they say to have something light and high carb. for breakfast before doing a several-mile trail run, they DO NOT mean a bran muffin and a cup of coffee.

17)  Even after you’ve done nine mile runs, it is a mistake to think of a three mile run as “easy”.  A big mistake.  Three mile runs are only easy if you approach them with the same seriousness and sense of resolve that you gave them when you started.

18)  Nesting Canadian Geese are some mean mother-fuckers.

19)  UnderArmor.  Remember that brand name.  It is the brand name of the Gods.  The Gods of the sleek, satiny, comfort of perpetual dryness and not smelling your own sweat.

20)   Choose a course through a shaded wood near water.  Run in the early morning or late evening.  It will be cooler, the view will be better, and the mosquitoes will be out in force…all of which will motivate you to KEEP RUNNING.  If it is in the spring, before the mosquitoes are out, the Canadian Geese will be nesting near the trail at the water’s edge, and THEY will provide you with motivation to KEEP RUNNING.