I feel a need to expound upon my deep and abiding love for Daniel Jackson…not because I’m obsessive or anything like that (certainly not!)…but merely to explore that little concept that seems too complicated for a lot of fiction:  Manliness.

     We seem to have been given a choice:  Chest-pounding, grunting he-men, or soft, simpering milquetoasts.  Neither is particularly appealing, and neither archetype really reflects most of the guys I’ve encountered in my life.  I think they are mostly Hollywood constructions invented for romantic comedies…a travesty that I will take on another time.

     And yet, I have heard the lament: “Why are all men such pigs?  I just want to meet a sensitive guy!” or conversely, “I’m sick of all these whiney wimps!  Where did all the real men go?”

     I remember the first guy I fell in love with…fictional or otherwise.  I was in sixth grade, and I was reading The Lord of the Rings.  A dark, unkempt, menacing figure came to the rescue of a handful of little hobbits in the town of Bree, and I was smitten…

     And I remained constant and faithful to Aragorn until The Two Towers, when Faramir came on the scene.

     Then, Aragorn was sooo over.  I’m fickle like that.

     While Aragorn has the whole broody man-of-mystery thing going on, and he is undeniably heroic…Faramir is by far the superior man.  Aragorn is afraid to live up to his potential and his destiny, flees it and hides from it…where as Faramir is a man of both deep thought and action, who does not shrink from even the most difficult duty or decision.  Plus, he prefers burly warrior women to willowy elf maidens, and I gotta say, that factors into it for me.

     I was overjoyed for Eowyn when she finally got done mooning over Aragorn and fell for Faramir.  Best thing that could have happened to her.

     As sexy as the broody-angsty-world-on-the-shoulders thing can be if worn correctly by a man in just the right state of unshavenness, it’s just no substitute for deep thoughtfulness, passion, and self-possession; which is what Faramir had in spades over Aragorn.

     I had a couple of passing crushes on different T.V. and book characters, but the next truly lasting one was Marcus Cole, a character on Babylon Five.

     Marcus was like a perfect blend of Aragorn and Faramir, and the actor (Jason Carter) did very well in the unshaven manliness department and had the most startling blue eyes…and there was that delicate balance of brooding angst in constant warfare with deep thoughtfulness and passion.  Oh My.

     Plus, he was charming, funny, quick-witted, ( and well read!) and had that sort of fragile cynicism that I find irresistible.  The sort of attitude that people develop when the world has shown them nothing but bad…they expect nothing but bad…but deep down, they never stop hoping that good is just around the corner.

     I find an irrepressible spirit to be incredibly appealing, as well as Marcus’ ability to love so tenderly, completely and selflessly.

     OK, when I realized how short and scrawny he was outside of the Ranger uniform, it took the edge off for me a little, but Marcus is still my number two fictional crush of all time.

     But then there was Daniel.

     Daniel is above all else; rational.  It’s not usually on the top of a woman’s list of sexy traits, but it’s at the top of mine, and here’s why:

     Rational people have an ethical compass that rarely fails them.  They may not be certain or right 100% of the time, but they are more directed, more emotionally and mentally stable, more confident, and more self-possessed than people who are irrational.

     Daniel is not easily shaken up, he is not easily fooled, and he is not easily provoked.  He has a great deal of self-possession.  Other characters on the show are disciplined, but not necessarily self-possessed.  Discipline is following rules, being able to restrain yourself and function within a set of boundaries set by yourself and others.

     Self-possession is having a unifying and guiding set of principles that continue to guide you when the rules are inadequate.

     When an irrational person’s understanding of the rules is threatened, their reaction will be to become fearful or hostile, or stubbornly persistent in performing actions that are quite obviously not working.  They break down, they lash out, they have mental vapor lock. 

     When a rational person’s understanding of the rules is threatened, their reaction will be to figure out why, and to amend the rules in such a way that they can be preserved in intent, and yet allow for effective action.  They adjust, keep their footing, take charge, find their way.

     This makes them more resilient, and resiliency is undeniably sexy.  Daniel can talk his way out of almost any situation.  He’s honest, kind, compassionate, loyal, idealistic, brilliant and no matter how emotional a situation is for him, he doesn’t lose sight of what is right.  He doesn’t give in to fear, hate or despair.  Although he is a very emotional person, his emotions do not rule him, but there is that tension…that warring of passion and rationality that is just under the surface that provides a certain intensity to the character.

     It doesn’t hurt that the actor (Michael Shanks) is adorable, or that he buffed up significantly during the season where Daniel was away…

     …but I’ve seen the actor in other roles, and not loved those characters, and I loved Daniel before he got those marvelous biceps.

     No, I love Daniel because he is what I think of as the perfect man.  He is capable of loving with his whole heart, suffering heartbreak, betrayal, addiction, torture and loss without losing sight of himself and who he is and what he values.

     He is peaceful and gentle and compassionate, not because he is afraid of or incapable of violence, brutality or judgment, but because he sees the superiority of the other path.  When there is no other way, he can be ruthless and surgical in the ass-kicking department.

     He lives an intentional life of choice, self-possession and rationality without denying his passion and emotions.

     He’s brilliant without being arrogant, tender without being fragile, thoughtful without being indecisive and peaceful without being a wimp.

     I realize that he’s fictional and all…but I’ve met a few guys like him in real life, and I only married one of them…so keep your eyes open.  They are out there.