Today I went to volunteer for the campaign of Amy Klobuchar.
As much as I dislike getting those political calls that ask you who you are planning to vote for, I realize their purpose. It is to build a data-base of voters inclined towards your candidate, so you can call them on election day. (hint: the way to avoid any more calls is to refuse to participate If you are an unknown quantity, they won’t call you to “get out the vote”. Alternatively, you can say you are voting for the competition, and achieve the same thing.)
Anyway, I got an overwhelming number of people saying they were going to vote for Amy. And a couple who were going to vote for Amy because they liked Amy, but were going to vote a straight republican ticket otherwise.
I got several “none of your business” responses, which is fair enough. That’s the answer I often give. It is, after all, nobody’s business but your own, and you don’t have to answer that question no matter who asks it.
I got some people who just said “I’m a dyed in the wool Republican, and I would never vote for a Democrat.” To which I responded, “So are my parents. Thank you for your time, and have a very nice day.”
But I got this one little old lady that just blew me away. I will reproduce the conversation as best I can, though I obviously can’t do it word-for-word, and I KNOW I'm leaving a lot of her ranting out because fankly, I was too stunned for the first part, and then ther was just too much to remember, so I'm mostly just hitting the high points, and getting the general flow of it down.
Me: “Hello, is this Annebelle Frankwater*?”
AF: “Yes, who is this?”
Me: “I’m Teresa Lhotka, and I’m calling on behalf of the campaign for Amy Klobuchar. I was wondering if I could ask you who you are intending to support in the US senate race?”
AF: “Nobody! I’m not voting for anybody! They’re just all a bunch of dirty no-good criminals, and they’re all in league with criminals., and Amy Klobuchar is just as bad as the rest of them.”
Me: “Are you familiar with Amy’s record as a Prosecuting Attorney?”
AF: “I don’t care about her record, she’s a crook just like all the rest of them, and when she gets into there, she’ll just stick with her own like the rest of ‘em.”
Me: “She prosecuted a Democratic judge.”
AF: (voice pitching hysterically) “Well, I don’t know about that, but I’ll tell you that the atheists and the gays are running both of those parties, and they’ve taken God out of the school, and they don’t even say the pledge anymore…it’s terrible what they’re teaching our kids with the drugs and the…”
Me: “Maybe it will make you feel better to know that my kids go to public school, and they say the pledge every day and they say the words “under God” in the pledge.”
AF: “My kids were taken out of public school and put in a private school where there aren’t any drugs and people teaching them all sorts of Godless stuff…”
Me: “I see.”
AF: “And none of them are doing anything about it, and they won’t even support our president. I mean, whether you voted for him or not, he’s the President, and you should support him, and none of them are doing that. They’re just all completely corrupt.”
Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’m.”
AF (shouting now): “It’s not just me! I belong to three different polka groups, and everyone feels like me, none of us are voting.”
Me: “Well, I…”
AF: “It’s just a terrible world our children are growing up in. Everything is falling apart with the destruction of the family, and the drugs and crime and the schools being so dangerous. Our children have a terrible life ahead of them, just terrible…”
Me: “Well, I certainly hope that you day improves and thank you for your…”
I was cut off by the sound of her hanging up…loudly.
Seriously, I couldn’t even make this shit up.
*Annebella Frankwater is not her real name.