Tuesday, April 06, 2004

First of three recycled entries from an old blog of mine that is going away soon.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Eating breakfast is healthy, wholesome and an All-American thing to do. So I'm making myself a Berry Smoothie for breakfast, right? Blender, ice, strawberries, plain yogurt, Splenda. The blender spins for a while, and then I notice a hot electric smell, and a small pile of metal shavings piling up on the base of the blender... So I stopped blending it, and considered my options. I could assume that the gasket kept the metal filings out of the smoothie, and drink the half-blended thing...or I could assume that it's contaminated and dump it out...possibly wasting it for no reason. Not being a fan of the peritonitis, nor the prospect of having my digestion aided by a high-tech medical-grade Ziploc bag made of space-age polymer for the rest of my life...I dump it out, and decide to go for a veggie omlet. So while I'm defrosting the asparagus, because you HAVE to have asparagus in a veggie omlet, the microwave starts vibrating and emitting this unwholesome-looking black smoke. Not a good sign. I think that there is a demonic presance attacking my appliances. First the ice maker, then the dishwasher, then the garage door opener, now the blender and the microwave. Where's a slayer when you need one? Oh yeah, and yesterday, I was walking throught the kitchen, and felt a sharp, stabbing pain in my foot. I looked at the bottom of my foot, and there, sticking out of it, is a shard of Corelleware. So I pulled it out, but it broke off, and there was still a piece of it stuck in my foot. Naturally, the wound closed over it, so I was going to have to cut and dig for it. Aided by my Kung Fu flexibility, and a lancet and tweezers from the first aid kit, I extracted it. It was in there kind of deep, and doing minor surgery on the bottom of your own foot with small children whirling and screaming around you is not the preferred way to spend the morning pre-coffee moments. I'm pretty sure I got it all. Hydrogen peroxide is your friend. Maybe Martha Stewart hates me. Her pretranatural senses picked up my joyous cheer when I heard she was being sent up the river, and now she's engaged her dark forces to exact her revenge. It can't be my fault...I swept, vacuumed, AND washed the floor after I broke the plate. Then, I vacuumed the broom just to be sure. That's it. I blame Martha.