I’ve been going through some stuff with people in my life lately, as you might have noticed from the Drama Queens rant of a few days ago (has it really just been a few days?).  Anyway, there’s not a bad person amongst the people whose problems I’ve witnessed from the perspective of a privileged friend.  Every last one of them is a good, decent, loving person.  Not one of them wishes to do another harm unjustly.  I am privileged to know every last one of them, and honored to have them call me friend.

     And I have learned something over the last couple of weeks…several things actually.

     One, I guess I should have known.  You know how I like to take those stupid internet quizzes and post the results up here on the blog?  Over and over and over again, the words “loyal” and “arrogant” came up.  Again and again and again.

     I joked to a friend of mine;  “What’s with the arrogant? On every single quiz?  I’m not arrogant…you don’t think I’m arrogant…do you?”

     He joked back, “noooo…maybe a little insecure, though.”

     Ha ha ha…

     News to both of us, the universe has offered me a booby prize in the form of a couple of really nice smack-downs.  I have discovered that I am, indeed, in the words of the worlds sexiest stuffy old Englishman on the Watcher’s council (yes, even dark Wesley…who, despite the insistence of half the women I know…just isn’t that hot) “A rank, arrogant amateur”.   Emphasis on arrogant, and don’t forget the pretentious pronunciation of “amateur”.

     I’ve always thought that one of the best ways to be a loyal friend was to speak the truth as I see it to my friends.  To tell them what I think and to not worry about what the consequences would be for me.  Not to worry that they would get mad at me, not to worry that they would leave me, not to worry that I’d be wrong and they would lose respect for me.

     The universe has shown me, through a number of different lesson plans, that it is the only true teacher, and that while I can sometimes be helpful, I should consider the consequences to the person I am speaking the truth to.  There are some lessons, for some people, for which the only proper teacher is the universe itself, and any meddling from mere mortals will only cause strife, anger and make things worse with little good to show for it.

     People’s behavior is the result of previous lessons, and the desire to avoid the consequences that taught them those behaviors.  If those behaviors lead to other unpleasant consequences…the cost might still not be enough to get them to change the behavior…because the remembered lessons are more ingrained…and as long as they work more often than not, there is no reason to learn new lessons.  So as much as I can look at someone and say “Ya know, you’d get a better result if you just did X,Y, or Z”…they might have very good reasons for not following my advice, that have nothing to do with the situation at hand.

     There are times when you just have to say “they’ll get it when they get it”, and that has to be good enough.  Or even, “the thing you’re trying to tell them isn’t the lesson they need.”

     And my personal favorite little gem I’m carrying away from the last three weeks is “Just because you think you need someone to get something, doesn’t mean that they actually need to get it.”

     As long as they are in balance and at peace with the results they have gotten…then I need to be OK with that, or be somewhere else. 

     Wow…it seems so simple and obvious in retrospect.  You wouldn’t think I’d have needed quite that hard of a rap on the head…nor that many in such rapid succession to “get” it…would you?

  I suppose that if the behaviors weren’t so deeply ingrained, all it would have taken is a half-dozen internet quizzes.