Anomalous Data - Whipping Shittys

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

We went to see X-Men 3 yesterday (as you will note in the entry below) and one of the previews was for The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift.

So I thought “What? They’re making another one?”

Yep…except without Vin Deisel and with a new twist. The races involve a technique called “drifting”. This is supposed to make the movie that much more cool and compelling.

When I was a kid in Bemidji, we called it “whipping shittys”. It was the big thing before “mudding” came along. You could do it out on the lake in the winter time, or in the Pamida parking lot, or along any one of a half dozen routs in the area with multiple hair-pin curves woven through swampland…or around corners in town on slow nights after about 3:00 AM.

And I dare any of those slick-haired pretty boys with their fancy mods to try to equal my friend Libby’s performance with the great maroon Catalina (with sloppy suspension) named “Bertha”. I’d like to see them try that shit. They’d never make it. Pee Wee Herman could do it with $100,000 worth of mods on his car. It takes skill to do it with a rust-bucket like Bertha.

“Drifting” with Bertha was a little like trying to drive a greased whale down a mountainside. THAT takes skill, and you can’t do it if you are worried about the wind mussing up your gel-and-glitter hair-do.

I have to say, the premise of this movie is a little weak. If it’s such a big deal, how come any ignorant redneck in Bemidji can do it? And furthermore…the ignorant rednecks in Bemidji do it because they must. There’s nothing else to do…this movie is set in TOKYO for Gods sake. I’m sure they could come up with something a little less bored-Midwestern-youth-with –too-much-beer-in-them.

What’s next?

The Fast and the Furious: Home-made explosives from common household items set off in gravel pits in Amsterdam?

Or:

The Fast and the Furious: Mudding in huge 4X4’s down flooded logging trails in Borneo?

Oh! Oh! I know!

The Fast and the Furious: Snipe hunting and cow-tipping with some stupid tourist in New Zealand!

Yeah. It’s a HIT baby!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 6:15:22 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [18] | Pop Culture

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 11:11:19 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

1.) it does take some minor skill to perform a controlled powerslide without the benefit of a.) A bemidji upbringing, b.) Alcohol or c.) Ice on the ground.

2.) There are no gravel pits in Amsterdam...the city is below sea level, so they don't do much digging deep into the ground there. But they ARE planning a sequel set in the gravel pits of Paris. That should be a thrill.

The Evil Cub

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 7:59:57 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

Regarding #1 above: CONTROLLED powerslide? Who said anything about them being controlled? The only thing controlled about Libby, or anything Libby ever did was possibly the ridgid shift schedule of her legion of over-worked guardian angels. :-) Evidenced by the fact that I rode with her frequently and I'm still alive.

I might add that gravel surfaces also make it easier, and there were plenty og those up there, God knows.

Regarding #2 and the gravel pits of Amsterdam: Don't look now, but I think that Cub may have discovered the more subtle edge of my sense of humor.

Kemaris

Wednesday, May 31, 2006 6:08:34 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

Teresa, on a rather sad note, it is becoming increasingly difficult for all of us ignorant rednecks to get away with stuff up here. around every corner is potentially a cop ready to nail us for "exhibition driving", and many of the gravel pits we used to party in are watched closely by the law. I just hope that someday it will again be legal to drive downtown with a shotgun hanging in the window rack of a pickup. I hope that someday a group of friends can again gather at a gravel pit to drink beer and burn old furniture and tires, (damn a lazy boy lights up good!) anyway, um.... thatsa my dream for the future!

Ben

Wednesday, May 31, 2006 6:41:27 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

Well, that's what you get for voting Republican.

Law, order, supervision.

:-)

What do they expect people to do up there for fun? Watch those wholesome family movies at the Amigo Twin? Roller skate? Ride the few lame rides left at the waterfront?

Oh yeah. There's church.

And wait a minute, you mean to tell me you can't have a gun in a gunrack in your truck anymore?

Shit. I remember when half the school parking lot was full of pick-up trucks with rear-window gun racks LOADED with shotguns. Every Day.

What's the world coming to I'd like to know.

And how are kids supposed to learn anything if they can't sneak out of their parents houses at 1:00 in the morning, run out to a gravel pit and fling fire-crackers at an ice-cream pail full of gasoline while guzzeling beer?

Good grief.

Kemaris

Wednesday, May 31, 2006 10:20:20 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

You have a sense of humor?

The Evil Cub

Wednesday, May 31, 2006 12:32:18 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

By the way, how did you know I voted republican? you must have a wire tap on me. (and this whole time i thought it was the squirrels who were plotting my assassination!) the liberals have me convinced....
I Promise I'll never Vote for George W. Bush again!

And it's no longer the Amigo twin, they have 7 theaters i believe, showing such blasphemous films as The DaVinci Code. (we were warned in church about that one.... not that i care all that much)

Also, Not only were the gun racks loaded with shotguns, the shotguns were usually loaded too.

Ben

Wednesday, May 31, 2006 12:47:08 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

"What do they expect people to do up there for fun?"

Well, there is that high drug and alcohol use and high teen pregnancy rate... What else is there to do in Smalltown, USA?

Karen

Wednesday, May 31, 2006 1:18:56 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

Pinky: "What we gonna do tonight, Brain?"

Brain: "Same thing we do every night Pinky, get juiced up on Blatz light and ditch weed, blow up some piles of sand, and have illicit premarital sex."

Kemaris

Wednesday, May 31, 2006 1:53:57 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

Oh, by the way, everyone, meet my cousin, Ben. He's still in the Bemidji area in case you haven't guessed.

Ben,

Of course, you KNOW you can't vote for GW Bush again, unless he declares martial law or unless they amend the constitution.

But you can rest assured that you helped him secure a nice, cushy chair on the board of Halliburton or some related company where he will be duely rewarded for all of the help he has been to his corporate masters.

Besides, there's always Jebbie! And after Jebbie, Prescott Bush. Yep, you will get a chance to vote for both of those guys. I'd bet money on it.

Kemaris

Thursday, June 01, 2006 5:56:26 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

"Well, that's what you get for voting Republican. Law, order, supervision."

... So are you saying that if I vote democrat next time, we WON'T have Law, Order and Supervision? Sweet! Where do I sign up?

Ben

Thursday, June 01, 2006 7:36:53 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

Ben,

Nope. With the democrats you'll get a social safety net and educational initiatives that reduce the likelyhood that young people will choose unhealthy or lawless behavior, and harm reduction policies and initiatives for those that do, and enforcement of exsisting laws targeted at behaviors that have high systemic impact as opposed to just being interested in repressing the occasional high spirits of young people.

Also, there will be fields full of happy puppies, and ice cream and cookies for everyone.

Kemaris

Thursday, June 01, 2006 9:01:11 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

With the democrats we'll definitely get those things... as soon they they grow a fucking spine again.

saveau

Thursday, June 01, 2006 11:00:42 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

COOKIE??? COOKIE!!! (Envision Sesame Street's Cookie Monster!)

Sign me up!

Karen

Thursday, June 01, 2006 8:36:21 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

"With the democrats we'll definitely get those things... as soon they they grow a fucking spine again."

Awww...Rick! And we were having so much fun, too. Thank you so very much, Captain Buzzkill.

Karen. Check. You are down for one (1) cookie payable just as soon as the Democrats have control of the government.

Kemaris

Friday, June 02, 2006 3:17:00 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

Sign me up for a puppy and Rocky Road ice cream. Get Rick a puppy, too. He loves to spoil'em.

Kristi

Friday, June 02, 2006 5:38:49 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

Kristi,

Rocky Road ice cream, check. No puppy for you though. I'M not gettin' on Buddy's shit list...not me, nope.

But I'll send Mr. Dean the requisition for your Rocky Road. No worries.

Anyone else, as long as I'm up?

Kemaris

Friday, June 02, 2006 10:27:30 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

What??? Just one cookie? Can I have some chocolate mint ice cream too? I'm willing to pay some extra taxes to support the ice cream! (Remember, Democratically funded cookies, ice cream and puppies have to be paid for somehow...more government services mean higher taxes.)

Karen

Saturday, June 03, 2006 5:25:05 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

Karen,

Oh, don't worry about the taxes too much. We will never get rid of Republicans completely...there will most likely be enough of them around and working hard (those kick-backs don't earn themselves, you know) to make sure that we give corporate welfare to the American Cookie-making multi-national conglomerate ensuring that American cookies dominate the world market, and keeping them cheap enough for the government to be able to afford to give them away.

Or was that, keeping the executives rich enough that they can hire lots and lots of people to perform menial tasks like "bootblack" and "pool-boy" and "diamond-tipped cane polisher" (props to the Daily Show for that one) so that THEY can be taxed to pay for the cookies and pupies and ice cream?

Maybe both. Anyway, I'm sure it will all work out once we have a two-party system in place again. As long as there are enough Demorcats to put the free cookie program in place, and to ensure that the republicans can't make the government pay extra for them, we're golden.

Kemaris

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