Folding, spindeling, and mutilating lauguage for fun since Aug, 2004
Wednesday, 27 February 2008

Hey guys, do me a little favor - K?

Come up with some good turn-down lines that my fellow Kung Fuer - Maggie- can use.

10 brownie points for the best one.

Stuff like "I'd love to call you on the phone, but for some reason my electro-magnetic fields keep getting reversed, and people's phones get hot and explode when I call them".

Or "No, I can't sleep with you.  I shouldn't even be talking to you.  I have projectile herpes.  Oh!  There goes one now.  Sorry."

or "You want to buy me a drink?  No thanks, .  My last trip to the bar, they were all out of the blood of the innocent."

 

Wednesday, 27 February 2008 20:00:03 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [8] |  | #
Thursday, 28 February 2008 09:31:58 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)
I'd love to go out with you but a man just like you turned me into a lesbian.

Bob Wagner
Thursday, 28 February 2008 09:35:16 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)
Or

That sounds lovely but I'm on medication because the first thing I do after sex is cut off my partners penis. Say do you know any good knife stores? They keep confiscating all of mine.
Bob Wagner
Thursday, 28 February 2008 12:13:13 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)
"Sure, I'd love to go for a drink. At least, that's what my therapist tells me I should do. Oh, look! It's time for my anti-psychotic meds!"
Kristi
Thursday, 28 February 2008 12:15:04 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)
"Well, the last guy who asked me out is finally getting used to his artificial limbs. Sure! I guess I'm ready to dismem... I mean... date again."
Kristi
Thursday, 28 February 2008 12:19:06 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)
*must be said very quickly*

"I'd LOVE to go for a drink. In fact, I think you're the ONE. I really do. I still have my wedding gown in the back of my car from that bastard who stood me up at the alter. I can go get it now. Want me to go get it now? Gee, this is gonna be great! Let's call my parents! Besides, I don't believe in sex before marriage. Do you?"
Kristi
Thursday, 28 February 2008 12:20:26 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)
Or the classic line from a Rita Rudner routine.

"Look them in the eye and say, "I love you. I want to have your baby." Sometimes... they leave skid marks."
Kristi
Monday, 03 March 2008 17:45:12 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)
I love Kristi's lines.

One I used once, after a man told me that he wanted to eff me (I kid you not - it went from an evening movie with friends to, "Hey, let's do it"): "You're only saying that because I'm the only girl here and [insert town] doesn't feature any sheep. Find a cow."

Said with a straight face: "I don't drink. Alcohol is the handiwork of the Devil."

When in doubt, start oversharing. This is best if the "overshare" isn't even true. "Really? I haven't been asked out in three years. I'm so glad that I won't be lonely tonight. It's been so difficult with just my cats and my chlamydia for company. You're okay with using condoms, right? My doctor told me that I have to be very upfront with potential partners." or, "You remind me of my little brother. It's so sweet how you're a little gentleman!"

On the more serious side, pick a random trait. "I don't date older men." "I don't date younger men." "I don't date engineers." Use the one my friend had once: "I don't like your name. I always thought I would marry a man named David, and I'm not ready to give up on that yet."

The most recent one I heard: Agree to the drinks, then stand them up. You'll never hear from them again. Your karma might leave a bit to be desired, though.
Monday, 03 March 2008 21:31:03 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)
Theo,

Welcome! and I like your lines...but I can't decide whose I like best. Brownie points for everyone!

Teresa
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