WAIT!  Before you go any further, read this…or my entry will make no sense at all.

You’ve been warned

Whoa, Evil Cub…

First of all, take a deep breath and calm down.  Get yourself a soda or beer from the fridge, take a deep pull and a deep breath.  Now repeat. 

OK, there’s no need to get so worked up about this.  It’s all very simple and straight forward.  I’ll explain it all for you in perfectly rational, reasonable terms that any real American can understand and agree with.

Ready?

First of all, you seem to be confused about a seeming double standard in the outing of this “operative” by Robert Novak and the falsification of documents regarding the service of our great leader.

What you don’t understand is that the effectiveness of our commander-in-chief is paramount to our national security.  He can’t be bothered with answering all sorts of tired allegations.  He’s got work to do…not just for you and I and our safety…not just for the children (How soulless of Dan Rather to endanger our children like that.  For shame.)…but for God.  God put him in the presidency to fight the war on terror so that you can be safe.

See?  It’s really not the same thing at all is it?  One guy is working for God and should be protected, the lady was just working for a paycheck, and only God knows who else she might have been working for.  You know how spies are…always sneaking around.  It’s a good thing we have people around to shine the light of day on them once in a while…keep them from getting too comfy. 

Now, you really do seem to think that this lady was vital to national security, and that probably lead to some of your confusion.  Let’s be real for just a minute here, shall we?  I mean, we can all agree, I’m sure, that chippy spies are great in James Bond films. After all, he’s got to have SOMEONE to sleep with.  Just because he has that fruity accent doesn’t make him gay…I mean, he’s British, that’s the way they talk.  They can’t help it.  Show some cultural sensitivity for Chrissake.  The exotic-looking ethnic chicks are particularly neat, because they are more easy for white males to objectify…but let’s not confuse fiction with reality.  What’s this girl going to do?  Blow up Al- Queda with a rigged tube of lipstick?  I don’t think so.

And what’s this about an enemies list?  You’re really one confused and deluded guy, you know that?  Dub-ya just has one entry on his enemies list:  terror.  We don’t know everything, you know.  Our government needs secret information to fight this war, and this guy you’re talking about was the ambassador to Iraq.  It was his job to get all cozy with Saddam…and then when the time comes to kick some terrorist butt he doesn’t want us to do it in Iraq?  Sounds to me like he maybe did his job a little too well.

One more thing, don’t for get that it’s God’s plan for a man and a woman, once married, to be one person.  The wife is just an extension of her husband’s will.  If he’s working for the terrorists then she must have been too.  You see how crucial it is that we take them both down now?

It’s all Clinton’s fault, and the fault of those liberal namby-pamby whiners.  If it weren’t for them, spying would be a man’s job like it’s supposed to be, and we wouldn’t have to worry about any of this.

And let me tell you, if Kerry gets elected, you’re going to see all sorts of ambassadors running around negotiating, making deals, playing politics with the U.N.…as if we’re not the United States of America.  And we’ll end up with chick spies and stuff like that.  Novak is going to be really busy rooting them all out for us, and…

What am I talking about.  Of course Kerry won’t get elected.  God will fix it for Bush…just like he did last time.

Never mind.

Now, don’t you feel better now that it’s all been explained to you?