Ok, I'm writing this too early in the morning after too little sleep and entirely too little Pepsi. So odds are my mouth -or in this case hands- is/are about to write a check that my ass could not cash on its best day. Still, some things need saying. So here we go.

For those of you who dont know me, my name is Bob Wagner. I have had the pleasure of being Theresas friend for most of five years now and I consider her to be one of the two finest people I've met since moving here from Milwaukee Wisconsin in October of 99. The only person to enter my life in that time who out ranks her is my fiance Emily.

For myself, I can relate to a lot of what Theresa says. I too am a dangerous person with a hair trigger temper. I don't drink because I consider most people to be brainless ill mannered swine in need of a pounding when Im sober. Put three pints of hard cider into me and and I have to remind myself that glass ashtrays are for putting cigarettes butts and ashes into. Not for shoving into the nose/mouth/eye region of stupid people who should not be allowed out without a leash and keeper.

Then there is Trees. Yes hon. You are a dangerous person. Yes, you are on that short list of people I would actually think twice about fighting. Not because you're female or I love your kids or part of me has been -hoo boy her husbands gonna murder me- a little bit in love with you for much of our friendship. No, the defining reason I wouldnt want to fight you is because Im fairly certain that if a miracle happened and I won the fight you wouldnt be able to tell it by the condition of what was left of me.

That being said, YOU"RE A NICE PERSON AND A WARM DECENT HUMAN BEING. I know enough about your past to have a theory. It's called the bad shit theory. It goes like this. You take a good person with a decent heart and a natural tendency to do the right thing in regards to common courtesy and such and you throw bad shit at them. You keep flinging until enough of it sticks to them like a giant poo-suit that they develop this very unpleasant side as a defense mechanism. Then you let it marinate for a long time until it seems like that is who they really are.

The thing is, that decent person is still there. The other aspect-I call it the werewolf- might regard everybody who isnt them and their closest friends and family as surplus humanity but the good person inside still does things like offer Mormon missionaries lemonade on hot days. With a little bit of luck, something happens in the persons life to inspire them to that they get motivated to ease the werewolf into the background and only take it out on special occaisions. Like when some stupid hymen at a Burger King gets agressive with ones offspring. I suspect that that happened about five seconds after Trees fell for her lucky bastard of a husband Rocky.

Now Trees, you might disagree with me but turn it around. We're both a lot alike. We both have this monster side to us. We have both done things to people that should probably have seen us in jail for a llloonggggg time. And yet you have told me to my face that you see me as a good man who you trust with your own children. You're the same way hon. If I had kids they would know you as Aunt Trees and if something were to happen to Cat Em and I, I would probably trust you with their upbringing over my own pain in the can sister in law.

The fact that you have it in you to wreck people does not detract from the fact that you are a nice person. It does not dstract from the fact that you are fun to cuddle. Speaking as someone who has hugged you repeatedly, you give good cuddle. If anything, the fact that you have this side to you makes you a better person than if you did not. Human beings are PREDATORS Theresa. We did not get here by being passive. We got here by being the meanest f'ing species on the planet. Things like music and internet porn are just pleasant side affects of the ongoing search for a better club to bash other animals and each other about the head with. So when a person has that in them and choses to operate in a different way it makes them even better, in my opinion than people who tend towards passivity.

Take my prick of a father. Take him far away, set him on fire and toss him into a wood chipper set on high. Then take a good look at the kind of person he was. Selfish self centered, angry agressive, never slow to push around someone weaker than he was. A bullying SHIT by any reasonable definition of the word.

You on the other hand are twice the fighter he ever was. You are ten times the intellect he ever was and on his best day he would need the hubble telescope to see the soles of your shoes from where he stood relative to you in terms of quality of human being. Where he would have shrugged his shoulders and said "It's not my concern" when a friend called him up contemplating suicide or having tried it unsucessfuly, you come running. You sit on the phone til all hours or at the kitchen table and let a messed up borderline psychopath pour out his heart to you when you would much rather be in bed with your husband or tending to your own legion of issues. And you bring the werewolf out only in very careful, controlled circumstances instead of letting it off it's leash to run wild like we both know you want to.

In short Theresa, knock it the hell off. If I said all the stuff about myself that you said about yourself you'd be even further up my behind than I have been up yours. You are a beutiful woman. You are a NICE person. You are a strong, loving person who is there for her friends and family and is even nice to total strangers whether or not it is conveinent or serves her immediate interest to do so. And yes, you are a blood thirsty human chainsaw when the time comes for making with the wrath. And I for one would not change it for the world. I don't just consider you a cherished friend Trees. I consider you a role model and mark myself lucky that I have someone like you to look to for guidance when the werewolf rears up it's head and I get ready to commit a felony all over some nitwit whose worst offense was leaving the house without his brain to mouth filter properly installed.
Nuff said, see you this weekend
Bob

Well, you've all heard about Bob from the writer's group...
...everyone, meet Bob.

Bob is a great writer, a good friend, and he weilds the linguistic equivalent of a sledge hammer.

To put it another way...ambiguity is not a problem when communicating with Bob. There is no subtext. It's pretty much all out there in graphic, techi-color THX surround sound, whether he's telling you to stop selling yourself short, or describing how a slug from a Deasert Eagle liquifies the internal organs of it's victim...he puts you right in the middle of it.

You also don't want to ever let him get the impression that you are crossing one of his friends. Even if you are his friend, and the person he thinks you are crossing is yourself.

Message recieved, loud and clear. Over and out. But you still can' tmake me feel comfortable with the lables.

so nah.

hahahah you wuve me hehehe

What's not to love?

Perhaps sweet and cuddly are not the best words to choose, but they did get something of the reaction i was looking for - Why do you think I call myself evil?

You and I both know you have the potential to be dangerous. And all of that kung fu has just made you a more disciplined and skillfull killing machine, not a less dangerous one. But that isn't as important an aspect of the personality I see as the caring side. I've seen you with your husband, and your kids. With some of your friends, and with us, the writers group.

Remember that cats are born predators, but they can be cute, cuddly, and sweet as well.

I promise, I won't call you sweet or cuddly anymore. Would you prefer kind hearted, intelligent, supportive, talented and loyal?

Chris,
Yeah...those are OK...blush.

Those are the things I aspire to be.

Yeah, and I second this whole thing.

You are the best friend I have outside of my household. You are the warmest, most loyal, most generous, most supportive hard-assed bitch I have ever known.

I still consider myself more evil than you - but then again, that's only because I'm sneakier than either you or Bob. You two are very much straight forward and to-the-point. Let's just put it that it's Youth and Strength vs. Age and Sneakiness. On the other hand, you would probably give me an ass-kicking that few other people in the world could, if I let you. :)

Hey, I just noticed I'm listed over there on the righthand side now. Woho! Acceptance!

I like the phrase 'supportive hard-assed bitch'. I think it sums it up nicely. And I hasten to point out, lest beatings me directed my way, that coming from Cat, I think the 'B' word s a good thing, and mean it in the same sense.

Hey, I feel...jealous. My own LJ is at: http://cmwagner.livejournal.com

But yes, Bitch is a moniker that I wear proudly - and mean proudly when I place it on someone else as well.

There are very few true Bitches in this world - I'm glad Trees is one of them.