Anomalous Data - "Not as good as yo momma, though...am I right?"

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

"Not as good as yo momma, though...am I right?"

So I was at the gym working out today, and I was on the Elliptical runner, which has these handels that sort of stick upright in a way that I never really thought of as phallic before today...

...groan...yet another perfectly innocent thing to have creepy memories attached to...

For those of you who don't know me, let me spell this out to you so you don't wonder what's going on. I've got monstrously huge mutant boobs. No, they are not the results of surgery. They are Anomalously large original equipment. Even when I was very skinny, with a body fat percentage of around 11, I had a DD boobs. This is why I am really not interested in getting much thinner than I am now...they sort of blend in a little on a bigger frame.

This has lead to a fairly substantial amount of unwanted attention over the years, some of it downright agressive and physical and occasionally violent...and has lead to me being just a little sensitive about the whole male attention phenomonon.

So I'm at the gym on the eliptical runner, and I 'm sweating up a storm, as one does...and so when I'm done I do the polite thing: I get a paper towel and a spray bottle and wipe my sweat off the equipment...just like the nice sign asks us to...

When the one other person in the gym...one of those freaks that's all biceps and pectorals and beer gut, you know the type...anyway, we're alone in the gym and he says something to me, so I take off my earphones and say “What?”

And he says...

”I said, you do that really good.”

And I realize that I'm standing there with my hand wrapped around this very large phallic handle...and he's got this creepy grin on his face, and I've just got the “eew. eew. eew. eew. eeew. eew. eew. eew.“ loop tape going in my head, and I try to think of something to do or say, and the seconds are just stretching out and most of me wants to just leave my shit where it is and run away...and the inner hoodlum comes to the rescue and says...

“But not as good as yo momma, though...am I right?“

So he gets this really mad look on his face and says “you're sick“...really quiet and really low...and I grabbed my stuff and exited stage left...glad he didn't just pulverize me like he looked like he wanted to, glad there was a door that he WASN'T in between me and it, glad in the certain knowledge that if I was stuck in the room with a crazy mofo, I'd take at least one of his eyeballs and one of his testicles with me if he tried anything...

...glad I'm home, alone, in a locked house and Jon Stewert is on the TiVo.

Sometimes, as my friend Rick so elequantly puts it...I just fucking hate human beings.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004 1:17:02 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [9] |

Tuesday, November 16, 2004 2:56:17 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

>Sometimes, as my friend Rick so elequantly puts it...I just fucking hate human beings.

Hey! That wasn't me! That was my alter ego, Cassie! In a fictional story! Granted, I said it first and gave her the line, but... um, what was I saying...?

Great comeback, though ;-).

Rick

Tuesday, November 16, 2004 3:55:38 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

YOU were afraid HE was going to kick YOUR ass?

What are those Kung Fu trophies for, woman! I guarantee you, most gym rats are not the type who actually want to (or neccisarily even know how to) fight. One quick knee to the groin, much less the old Uma Therman Eye Pluck, and the fight is over.

That was a great shut down line. But the best way to follow it up is to not act like your afraid of him. Act like he's worth less contempt from you than dog poo on the bottom of your shoe. Because guess what? That's exactly what he is worth.

The Evil Cub

Tuesday, November 16, 2004 7:30:50 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

Cub,

If this becomes a thing with him, I'll have to deal with him. I've never seen him at the gym before...and hopefully I won't see him again. I'd rather not get banned from my Community Center. Plus, my Sifu teaches there...so that would be awkward to say the least...

Kemaris

Tuesday, November 16, 2004 9:19:15 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

I'm not suggesting you START anything my dear friend. I'm simply pointing out that you have the ability to defend yourself quite vigourously if some muscle-headed dude starts some crap. Knowing that, you should not let yourself be intimidated by him.

Did you report his actions to your community center?

The Evil Cub

Tuesday, November 16, 2004 9:58:38 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

I was going to....but then I started to think about how I was going to tell it, and well...it sounded lame.

I mean, it's not like he actually DID or SAID anything that sounds wrong without my contextualising it...and given a chance to contextualize it himself, he would surely do it differently...KWIM? He said: She said. Fuck that.

My experiance with similar situations (like the stalkers I describe in the entry entitled: "Stalkers bad: Daniel Jackson Pretty" or the situation where my Sifu and students in our school were being harassed by a competeing school...indicates that there is nothing to be done until someone gets physically assaulted...

...which will hopefully not happen, but I've made the comittment to get me one eyeball and one testicle if it does...regardless of what the cost might be to me...

Kemaris

Wednesday, November 17, 2004 8:24:10 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

Trees, I commend you on your restraint. However, Im with Cub . Youve got as much to fear from him as I do from Sammy.And I wouldnt exactly worry about repurcussions either. At days end, for all your lethality you are still a woman and he's still (technically) a man. All you'd have to do is click into freaked out house frau mode and the fact that you were standing over the stick red mess that used to be him would not matter so much as the fact that a large, musclebound male got into a physical confrontation with a somewhat overweight seeming (to the ignorant and stupid) female homemaker. Its basic arithmetic babe. You shouldnt hit girls. If you do hit girls and get your ass kicked you shouldnt cry about it because you shouldnt hit girls.

In other news I may have just set a new personal record for fastest rejection from a market for one of my short stories. Sent out Coffee? at 630pm last night and got a rejection time stamped midnight. WOW.

Bob Wagner

Wednesday, November 17, 2004 9:14:23 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

Bob,

Wow...the electronic age makes everything...even bad taste in literature...more efficient.

Coffee is brilliantly, ascerbicly, and fun-lovingly funny, and just warped and broken enough to be interesting. You WILL find a market that realizes that. If Team America: World Police can make it through the pitch, production, and marketing phases...

...."Coffee?" can make it too.

Just keep sending it out. If you can find a sci-fi market with a lapsed-Catholic editor who went to parochial school , you're a shoe-in.

Kemaris

Friday, November 19, 2004 11:25:48 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

As a fellow DD'er, I sympathize. Those dumb mofo's out there feel so "righteous" about making comments like that. I'm impressed that you only made the comment you did. Just hearing about it makes me want to take the next man who talks to my boobs and break him in two.

It's hilarious sometimes how much a "fat chick" like me gets crap like this about the boobs. I can take the "fat chick" stuff - I don't like it, but it's so rampant in society that I have to ignore it, unless it gets forced in my face. But the boob shit?

What the hell is WRONG with these men? Can't they figure out that it is not only RUDE but INTRUSIVE? Fuck, it's like I would go up to some stranger and cop a feel on his ballsack, and say 'nice equipment, buddy.' And while some men might get off on that, they'd still feel intruded upon.

So why in the HELL do they think they can do it to us? Let alone that we "welcome" such attentions?

Cat Wagner

Friday, November 19, 2004 2:21:00 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

Yeah, and if the groups of 3 or so guys in the mall poking each other, giggling like anime characters, and saying "nice rack" really loudly isn't enough...
...the worst thing is the assumption that you are an "easy mark".

I mean, come on...an accident of genetics is supposed to give you an indication of my receptivity? Please.

The guys who bug me are the ones who think that large breasts are an open invitation to free and easy sex...and then get angry and physically violent when they find out they are mistaken...like I did something to give them that idea.

Fortunatly, there are large, black tee-shirts and other dumpy attire. Not that I always dress like that, but it's nice to be able to go into a shell a little after this sort of experiance.

Trees

kemaris

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