I recently joined an on-line group for mothers.  I had been part of such groups before, but they just weren’t for me.  I met a couple nice people, but by-and-large it just didn’t work out.

     But for some unfathomable reason I missed it, so I joined another one.  Now, I remember why I left the first couple I was in:

     “Women” bore and annoy me.  Specifically, the methods by which women form, maintain and perpetuate communities annoy me.  Women in general are OK.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m a woman.  Some of my best friends are women.  It’s just women’s organizations have me foaming at the mouth in about 3.5 seconds.

     I guess the main reason is that things have to be kept civil at all costs…any group of women simply must have an orthodoxy that cannot be challenged or crossed in any way.  You are free to think what you like and do what you like, but don’t talk about it here.  If you can’t say something orthodox, then stay quiet or at least say something harmless and meaningless. 

     Now, you might say that goes for any social gathering, and generally that’s true.  Small talk is the order of the day in such situations as parties or family gatherings or whatever…but I don’t join news groups for small talk.  Small talk is a necessary evil.  It’s a way of passing time with people and getting through situations as pleasantly as possible.  It’s also BORING.  OhmiGodsoboring.

     And the big rub seems to be that anything that’s actually worth talking about will eventually become “controversial”.  Even if it doesn’t touch on politics or religion, it will become controversial.

     So we have these conversations going on, and other than amusing anecdotes about kids and husbands…It’s mind-numbingly dull.  Cleaning tips, home remedies that each person swears by, how to make the kids do this or that or the other thing – Snore and Drool.

     But every once in a while a topic comes up that engages people in real conversation.  People are getting into it, and bringing research and information and differing viewpoints to the group – and then “some people” get uncomfortable, and the thread is killed.

     It’s not because people were getting abusive.  It’s not because erroneous information was being disseminated.  It’s because people felt that their philosophy of parenting was being challenged, or their political or religious beliefs or whatever.

     Doesn’t matter if they actually were.  It only matters that they felt they were…or my personal favorite:  Someone thought that the conversation was going in a direction where someone *might* feel uncomfortable.

     Boom, thread is killed, and we go back to “I make a tea out of rose hips”…”me too, but I add rose petals  as well” … “Oh you guys, don’t forget to use distilled water to make your tea”…

     A conversation in which I don’t even know how many women all sound like variations on the same theme - different shades of grey.

     Ugh.

     Now, I get that they have a right to whatever kind of community they want, and if I don’t like it, I should leave.  I’m going to pretty soon here.  One of these days I’m going to get tired of having my in-box filled with drivel and I’m going to get out.

     And no, I wasn’t a part of ANY of the controversies.  I didn’t start any…I didn’t add to any.  I just pretty much watched from the side lines.  These women are so far off from me and the way I think and the way I see life, that I just sort of made small talk and tried to blend in when I could and kept my mouth shut the rest of the time.  I don’t believe in going into someone else’s community and fouling the waters just because they annoy me. 

     But I really would like to be part of a community of women.  Most days I’m fine with being a freak.  Most days, I wouldn’t want it any other way.  But some days it would be nice to be part of something bigger…like you know…society?  Every once in a while I forget and try to join the human race…only to be reminded I’m an alien.  And that makes me grumblycranky.

     Luckily, I think my current “need-to-join-a-group-phase” has run it’s course, and I can get back to normal now for a little while.

     At the very least, it’s a Kung Fu day today.  Hittin’ things is good.