Folding, spindeling, and mutilating lauguage for fun since Aug, 2004
Friday, November 07, 2008

Given the chest-beating going on over in Russia right now...I thought a little distraction would be nice:

Roxeanne had a contest over at Haemet.  The idea was to do a summary of that would happen in a Barak Obama presidency using the two cows” economic model.

You know(quote from Haemet follows in italics): 

Democrat: You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  You feel guilty for being successful.  You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

Republican: You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  So?

Socialist: You have two cows.  The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.  You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

Etc.

            Mine was a little long, so I trimmed it somewhat over there.  I’m not happy with the shorter version though so I thought I would post it here and invite you to come up with your own.  Also, you could do a “Palin” model (McCain’s probably would have ended up being fine, he would have gotten some sensible advisors and not done any of the hair-brained things he said in the campaign…until they killed him to make her president)

 

American capitalism actually seems to work a lot more like this:
You have two cows, but the distributer for your area doesn’t want to do business with low-volume suppliers anymore, so they tell you that you’d better increase your herd. In order to do so, you issue an IPO and sell stock in your cows, use it to increase your heard (using the bull method would take too long).
Through hard work and careful management, you build up a modest farm that is able to compete.
But then one day you endorse a candidate that some right-wing bunch of nuts doesn’t like, and they organize a boycott. Your board forces you to resign, as well as probably forces you to sell your stock, and you walk away without your cows. You have to get a crappy plumber job working for a guy named Joe who can’t stop telling you how great it will be when he finally is making a quarter of a million dollars and can finally benefit from the Bush tax cuts (it's working for Joe that makes the job crappy...not the actual work which is essential and respectable).


(at least, that’s what happened to this guy…well, not the working for Joe the plumber part):
http://www.usatoday.com/news/politics/election2008/2008-10-30-gun-ceo-ousted_N.htm?csp=34

 

Under a Barak Obama presidency, you have two cows. You get a tax cut that helps you re-invest on your own and build up your herd. The much larger competitors and the distributor who were getting enormous tax breaks get their tax breaks rolled back, and have to pay a little more. They decide that they should pare down their business overhead somewhat, because they were using their tax breaks to maximize short-term profits and move as much of their operations as they could out of the country rather than actually investing in the stability of their businesses (or hiring workers) and now they want to trim the fat a little.  You are able to buy more cows from them at an advantageous price. You are beholden to no one and can make your own business and personal decisions.

Your competitors don’t mind too much, because their overseas businesses profits are safe from taxation in an account in the Canary Islands and they just have to wait until they get a Republican president in the White House again to declare another “job-building tax amnesty” when they can bring that money home tax free and use it to pay the expenses of “repositioning” more jobs and assets overseas…and buying a few nice things here for themselves.

Friday, November 07, 2008 8:24:43 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [5] | #
Friday, November 07, 2008 1:31:47 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)
*cough*

You have two cows. One of them sticks its head through the fence that separates your land from your neighbor’s and munches on some of his grass, and so your neighbor shoots the cow because it violated his property rights. He then drags it through the fence, butchers it out, sells the meat, and sends you a bill for labor and for damage to the fence. You send the sheriff to your neighbor’s house to deliver a formal complaint and your neighbor shoots the sheriff for violating his property rights. Your neighbor then hires a lawyer with the money he made from selling the meat from your cow and sues you for harassment and for violating his property rights. He encourages the family of the dead sheriff to allow his lawyer to represent them against you in a wrongful death suit, since the sheriff would not be dead if you hadn’t been such goddamn commie pinko and cowardly sent another man to violate your neighbor’s property rights. The court finds for your neighbor and the sheriff’s family, the sheriff’s family takes your remaining cow, and the neighbor takes your property and rents it to the sheriff’s family. He later marries the widow after getting her to sign a pre-nuptial agreement that expressly forbids her from violating his property rights.
Friday, November 07, 2008 1:52:19 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)
Rick,

LOL! Actually, something very similar to that is going on with two neighbors next-door to my parents...except both people involved are Repulican, and I suspect that one who would be analogous to the cow-shooting sherrif-shooting neighbor is a meth-head.
Teresa
Friday, November 07, 2008 1:55:06 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)
Nobody's been shot yet, but there has been one physical beat-down, two law-suits, and property vandalizm.

And actually, the guy I think is a meth-head might be a libertarian, but who can tell for sure?
Teresa
Friday, November 07, 2008 1:55:17 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)
Teresa,

I'm really really glad to no longer live anywhere near a rural or semi-rural area. :-)
Friday, November 07, 2008 4:19:27 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)

A. The problem with capitalism is cows. Nobody has a problem sharing their PB and J.
B. how could a methhead not be a libertarian? (better that than a librarian....I love that new glasses haven't help my misreading problem. people say such interesting things when you can't figure out the real words....splain's Bush.... : )
A small penguin
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