I’ve discovered a remarkable text (where else?) on the internet.

It perfectly embodies the perfect Fundigelical upbringing!

I’m going to start with Chapter 1 and give you an overview.  Periodically, I will overview another chapter.  I’ll try to give you time to recover in between.  The piece is written by one Jack Hyles, of blessed memory. (from the website: Jack Hyles was the pastor of First Baptist Church, Hammond Indiana from 1959-2001. He died Feburary 6, 2001 but his influence lives on.)

From Jack Hyles: How to Rear Children

We will begin with his premise that people need training in self-restraint.  Mere knowledge is not good enough, after all, because knowledge itself does not bring wisdom.   OK, I’m pretty much there with him.  Then again, there’s this:

To be sure, the intellect is a part of the mind. There is, however, another part of the mind that is far too often overlooked - the will. For the intellect to be trained and the will to be untrained is dangerous.  Susanna Wesley said she disciplined each of her children until his will was broken. The wise parent starts when the child is and infant in the training of the will.

Uh-oh.

The training of the will means the child is taught to do right by constant practice so that the mind rises to action by reflex just like the body. When the will has been brought into subjection to do that which is right the child learns to make his decisions by mental reflex. This is accomplished by applying a certain stimulus to the child and having him practice the proper response. For example, when I was a boy my mother used to have me practice standing when a lady would walk into the room. I would be seated; Mother would go outside and reenter. As she entered I would stand. She would go out again; I would stand again. Over and over this was repeated until it became almost a reflex for me to stand when a lady entered a room. This was continued day by day until I never had to decide to stand when a lady entered the room I stood by mental reflex.  Hour after hour Mother would practice with me on giving a lady my seat when there were no others seats available.

No really, Oh-oh.

But at least this intensive training will lead a kid to develop useful habits that will always result in constructive and helpful behavior…right?

Recently, on a given Sunday I baptized over 100 people. When I baptize a convert I raise my right hand in the air and say the following words: “In obedience to the command of our Lord and Master, and upon a public profession of your faith in Him, I baptize you, my brother (sister), in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.” I said those words over 100 times. After the service I went home. The phone rang. I picked up the receiver with my right hand, but every time I had raised my right hand that morning I had said, “In obedience to the command, etc.” When I used my right hand to raise the phone to my ear I said, “In obedience to the command of our Lord and Master, and upon a public profession of your faith in Him, I baptize you, my brother, in the name of the Father, and the Son. . .” Then I realized what I was doing. By reflex after practice I said those words when I raised my right hand.

So, here we see that a proper Fundagelical upbringing will result in crazy and inappropriate phone ettiquitte.

But that’s not all:

  Not long ago I was going to go to the store. It is only four blocks from my house. I got in the car but was thinking about church work, etc., so naturally I found myself driving to my parking place at the First Baptist Church. I had driven three or four miles along the usual route that I take to the church and did not realize where I was going until I was sitting in front of the church. I have taken that route so much that when the subconscious took over I ended up at the church, not at the store.

Unsafe driving habits, time-wasting mistakes, and disorientation.

I take natural vitamins and minerals. I keep several jars of vitamins in a drawer in my office. From the first bottle of vitamins I take four tablets a day. From the second bottle, which contains Vitamin E, I take two tablets a day.  One day I opened the drawer and did not realize that the Vitamin E was in the wrong place. It was the first in line. By force of habit, I took four vitamin E tablets (which, by the way, is not a good idea). The subconscious had taken over. I had taken four tablets of the first bottle for so long that I didn’t notice which bottle was in the first position.

WARNING!  A Fundigelical upbringing can be an important factor in a number of preventable health risks!

I was going to cut this up more, but I just can’t bear to.  It’s too perfect.  Apparently, God is B.F. Skinner, and the path to heaven is conditioned response:

The above illustrations show how the will can be trained to react by reflex.  This is good only if we teach our children the proper good reaction to certain stimuli until the decisions of life are made by mental reflex and good is done subconsciously. This means the child will do right by habit, for basically, character is learning the proper habits.

And you silly secularists and “liberal theologians” thought that character was about consciously making carefully considered choices, thinking about outcomes, weighing pros-and-cons, and doing what you believe will be best for yourself and others in the long run, even if it is hard.  But no.  Character is about making snap decisions and undertaking thoughtless actions that your parents have drilled into your head while you were wishing you could go out and play baseball with the normal kids.

 It is learning to do right without voluntary action. It is the subconscious doing of right. This can be done only by practice and more practice and more practice.  The wise parent will make a list of the things he wants his child to do under certain conditions and influences. He will then require the child to practice the proper response to each condition and stimulus. When my children were little I made a list of all the things I wanted them to learn to do by mental reflex.  Some of these things were: answering the phone properly, shaking hands properly, walking, sitting, using correct posture, paying bills, having respect for elders, and many others.

Good God Almighty

 Each evening we would spend some time practicing each of these things until they became natural. This is the way a child learns to walk, to eat, etc. This is the way an athlete learns to be successful.  When I was a child my mother would often ask me this question, “Son, would you like a cigarette?” I would say, “No!” Over and over again she would ask the same question and I would give the same answer. She was trying to get me to associate the word “No” with cigarettes. She did the same thing about liquor and other temptations. She would hold up cigarette ads in front of me and say, “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!” Then she would ask me to do the same thing. I would look at the cigarette ad and say, “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!” until the two words “cigarette” and “no” became associated indelibly in my subconscious mind.

No really, Good God Almighty.

Every great nation, whether her philosophies were right or wrong, rose to greatness using this method of teaching. Such discipline made America a great nation. She is now crumbling because of the lack of it. All strong nations were made strong by such training of the will. Such programs had been added to their schools. Every nation that has crumbled did so when such discipline was deserted.

Is it just me, or does this guy seem like, instead of viewing the Stanford Experiements as a dire object lesson, would view them as an excellent tool for teaching dinner-table etiquette?

The wise parent, the wise pastor, the wise coach, etc. will produce the proper decisions by constant repetition until the child has learned to do right without voluntary action. Hence, the will has been cultivated to make decisions by principle. The making of decisions by the child, or the adult for that matter, will have less chance of being wrong when the doing of right has become habit!