Oh No!  You guys, I just found out that Yoga is Evil!  Yep. 

     According to more “Christians” than I can count right now, Yoga is an ancient form of meditation whose movements are designed to put you in a self-hypnotic state and lead you directly into the waiting clutches of a false God!

     Oops.

     I’ve got my husband doing this stuff!  Oh no!

     Here are the best links I’ve found regarding the evilness of Yoga:

     “Author wants to enlighten Christians about Yoga’s demonic influences”

     “What is the Christian view of Yoga?”

     And here you thought it was just stretching, and mind-calming, mind-body connecting meditation.

     In actuality, it wants to deliver you into the clutches of a false God – You!  Yep, people who study Yoga eventually decide that they are God, and God is them.

     And we wouldn’t want you to end up in charge of yourself, now would we?  God knows, you’re not the smartest person on the planet.  You should only be allowed to make you own decisions when it is profitable for US companies for you to do so (and it’s better yet if they are "free" to avoid giving you relevant information).  Otherwise, do what the preacher tells you, and for God’s sake, don’t do that “downward dog” pose.  Can’t you see how evil it is?  Evil I say.

     And it’s false healing, because any benefit you get from Yoga, you did yourself, through the self-hypnotic state.  It didn’t come from God.

     Self-hypnotic states are evil.  You shouldn’t trust them.  They don’t lead anywhere good.

     Let me give you and example:  during a brief resurgence of my Christian Fundamentalism in late High School, I attended a faith healing service at one of the local pole-barn churches scattered on the outskirts of Bemidji.  I wanted to be “healed” of my addiction to tobacco.

     During the service, I went forward, and was surrounded by praying Christians.  In the course of the prayer session, I reached a place where I felt like I was floating (I’d been doing “Christian meditation” during this time as well…a practice that I now recognize as zen Buddhist meditation with the serial numbers filed off…so I’d had some practice already with getting into a hypnotic state).

     I came back to myself an indeterminate amount of time later, and was helped to my feet by elated charismatics who informed me that I had been “slain in the spirit”, and that my sins were all whiped out, and I was healed.  I had a bruise on my right wrist, where it had struck the floor during my “fall” (some of my fellow Christians had eased my transition from standing to prone, but my arm flapped out and hit the floor)

     On the scale of weird, unexplainable shit, this was about a six out of ten, so I figured they probably knew more about what they were talking about than I did.  Sure enough, I was filled with euphoria as I threw out my cigarettes and ZZ-top novelty lighter (ZZ-top!  Good God).

     And I coasted through the next 24 or so hours without a single urge to smoke…until the self-hypnosis buzz wore off and the residual nicotine left my body and the actual withdrawal began.

     I was able to lay my hands on some Camel straights fairly easily (despite being under 18…it WAS Bemidji after all) but I never again was able to find a ZZ-top novelty lighter.  Years later, I quit for good.  Know how?  I took control of myself and my behavior.  I trusted my own judgement and abilities.  I made a decision with my human mind.  I stuck to it with my human will.  It was incredibly difficult, and I had to fail a few times.  But I stuck to it and it worked!  It's a miracle!  Woo Hoo.  But dang it, I could still light my candels with a ZZ-top novelty lighter, if I had one, which I would if I hadn't gotten suckered by self hypnosis psudo-spiritual bullshit.  Evil, I say.

     So you see, while self-hypnosis might be evil and ineffective, and may or may not be anti-Christian, at least if you are doing yoga, you are already sitting down and nobody need catch you.  Also, while you may be opening yourself up for demonic influences, at least you’ll be able to tie your shoes without having to find somewhere to sit, or prop your foot up…and that’s not nothing.