I spent the better part of tonight helping my child decode propaganda, separate fact from fiction, and recognize the subtle hallmarks of manipulation of public opinion.

     The subject of this extended discussion was an anti-alcohol pogrom they are presenting in the school to “educate” children about alcohol use and abuse.

     The name of the program is “The Slick Tracy Home Team Program”…which sounds to me like a more appropriate name for a public education program on the multitude of microbes that can be obtained from the school’s favorite cheerleader than an anti-alcohol campaign.

     Issue one of this comic book series came home today.  It features “Niagara False” (no, I’m not even going there…but be my guest if you want to I’ll wait…you done now?  OK, let’s continue…)

     Niagara is a spikey-haired blurring of goth-meets-punk-meets-stringy-biker-chick who is running around (boom box on shoulder) telling everyone lies about alcohol use (I’ll make you smart, it’ll make you cool and friendly, and give you lots of energy).  You can tell she’s a bad guy because she is ugly and has buck teeth.

     She is brought down by Slick Tracy and his side-kick, Breathtest Mahoney (who is a wholesome, honey blond with peachy skin and white, perfect teeth…making you wonder if her last name isn’t supposed to be pronounced “Mah- Honey)

     They defeat Niagara by yanking her boom-box out from under her feet, and causing her to fall on her ass.  Then Slick does lame rap, while Niagara sprawls on the floor clutching her aching head.  Victory for the forces of good?!?

     In my opinion, having experienced a wealth of these sorts of programs when I was a kid (which failed miserably, I might add), this is the worst sort of tactic you can take with kids.

     First of all, if you’re a goth, punk, biker, boom-box toter, stringy, buck-tooth or whatever, your first thought is going to be “Oh good!  Now not only do my classmates think I’m a Satan-worshiper, they now think I’m a Satan-worshiping drunk!  And that it’s OK to knock me on my ass if they don’t like what I’m saying.”

     Yep.  That’s a great first step for a drug/alcohol resistance program:  alienate the freaks.  Make them instantly suspicious of anything that your program might have in the way of credibility, because you don’t need them on board anyway.  They’re educational flotsam.  Writing them off lets you use them as horrible examples of what happens if you drink alcohol for anything more than the once-a-month-Eucharist provided at the Evangelical Protestant church of your choice.  When is first communion in most churches?  Fifth grade, isn’t it?  Most of these kids have been consuming alcohol for the better part of a year already as part of a ceremony that endorses their spiritual maturity, and is an important social milestone.

     If you don’t think they’ve thought of that…think again.  I certainly did when I was their age. 

     Alcohol is already an important part of a major source of social validation for many of them.

     After the initial four pages of nonsensical, patronizing, overly simplistic, judgment-encouraging,  stereotyping cartoon, there was actually some really good, solid information…but the main thrust of the tract, the overweening impression, was that scary freaks are drunks who will tell you lies to try to make you do something you don’t want to do, and if you don’t drink, you will be attractive and stylishly dressed.

     Needless to say, we had a little talk about how you can’t tell what someone’s habits or choices will be based on how they dress, or their physical appearance.  We talked about the purpose of the tract, and how it’s goal was a good one (trying to keep 6^th graders from drinking) and about why 6^th graders shouldn’t drink alcohol, and what my expectations as a parent are.  We talked about why the makers of the tract probably made the choices they did, and went through it a page at a time sorting out the good information from the bad.

     In the end, I think it was a good thing, since it caused Adventure Boy and I to spend a good couple of hours talking in depth about important topics, and the mother/son bonding involved in debunking the tract was sort of fun.  Adventure Boy seemed to take subversive glee in it…so that was good too.