Friends

     When I say that someone is my friend, I am not speaking lightly.  I mean that they have been given a position of trust.  They have full access to who I am.  They can learn, if they wish, where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and where I am most vulnerable.  I trust them not to misuse that, and I am not usually disappointed.

     I stand by my friends.  End of story.  If they get in the shit, if they are in trouble, I go in after them.  I don’t care how deep it is.  I don’t care how they got there.  I don’t care how much danger it will put me in to pull them out.

     If they have been wrong, corrupt, dishonest, stupid, careless, whatever, there is plenty of time to kick their asses for that when they are out of danger.  We’re talking about both physical and metaphorical danger here.

     The exception is if this becomes a habit.  I do not play the part of enabler well.  Mistakes I understand.  Repetitive, self-destructive behavior cycles are not in my job description.  At that point, I show up for the intervention and let more qualified people take it from there.

     As with everyone else, you should speak the truth to your friends in love.  Call them on their weaknesses and mistakes.  Tell them when they are wrong.  Demand that they treat you, themselves, and others correctly…don’t let them lie to themselves…but don’t hit them in the soft spots.  And don’t let anyone else do so either.  Keep your mouth shut about your opinions until you know what you are talking about.  Don’t give advice cavalierly, and don’t make off-the-cuff accusations.  Don’t gloss over your friend’s short-comings with other people, but don’t tear them down to them either.

     Above all, don’t undermine your friend’s position with other people behind his back.  Conversely, never allow the word of others to undermine your view of a friend.  If you need to, confront your friend about what people are saying, but don’t just let hearsay affect your view of him.  Go with what you know, and let your friend be the only one who can change your view of him.  If he is unworthy of your trust, he will always reveal that to you himself, by his behavior.  Be careful and judicious about who you trust, and once you have given it, stick to your guns and stand by your friend.

     Also, don’t ask your friends for anything that they cannot spare, and never, never, never ask them to do anything that is against their nature, or outside of their ability.

     My friends have saved my life and my sanity.  More than once.  I owe them a debt that I can never repay, and the above seems to honestly be the least I can do.

Neighbors/community/country

      Neighbors.  What can I say.  Over the years, and in various neighborhoods, I’ve had a few I liked, a few I’ve adored, and a few that have given me urges that would make the Unabomber cringe.  But regardless, I will help them with anything that it is in my power to do.  I’ll water their plants while they are on vacation, meet their kid at the bus, loan them the lawn mower, drive them to the shop to pick up their car, grab their dry cleaning when I go get mine.

     That’s what neighbor’s do.  Humans live together in communities.  You can’t have a community unless you take care of each other.  If you have to like someone in order to take care of them…poof!  No community.

     Speaking of community, you might not live in the same one for very long, but most likely, some community somewhere educated you.  Most likely, one provided you with a couple of parks to play in, and a pool or public beach for swimming.  It made sure that there was health care, and decent roads to make that one ambulance ride you took as safe as possible.  It made sure that the cops busted you for enough stuff that you didn’t go completely wild and get yourself killed.

     So quit complaining about your local taxes.  Pay attention to your local politics and especially the referendums.  Figure out which ones will make a real and positive difference, and make the time to go vote for them.  While you’re at it, head down to the Community Center or your local grade school and find out what they need volunteers for.  Also, license your pets, pick up their poop, and while your down there, get any litter you find lying around.   Your community needs you and its needs are small compared to what it’s done for you.

      Now, about this country of ours.  I don’t believe in blind loyalty.  I don’t believe in Loyalty Oaths like the Pledge of Allegiance.  I said the Pledge every day for six years and it meant dick-all to me…kind of like the Lord’s Prayer.  Secondly, people act like it was taken directly from the ten stone tablets God gave to Moses.

     It wasn’t.  It’s a loyalty oath constructed in the McCarthy era to weed out commies, which we were weeding out not because they were a huge threat, but because it is easy to manipulate a populace in a state of fear and anxiety.

     I don’t think that loyalty means having to say or think or feel the way you are told to.  You shouldn’t be required to express your loyalty in the words and actions dictated by law.  It’s beyond wrong, it’s perverse.

     If you want kids to love this country, the best way to do it is to make sure it’s a country that’s easy to love.

     Instead of making them promise to love and be loyal to something they don’t even understand yet, in rote words that are repeated until they are a string of meaningless syllables, how about if we elected politicians that gave us daily real-life examples of what makes this a lovable country?  Hey, it would be a start.  You can start on the reservations, and the blighted urban areas.  When Pine Ridge, Rosebud, White Earth, Red Lake, Laguna Pueblo and Leech Lake Reservations, Flint Michigan, East St. Louise and the South East side of Chicago have economies and infrastructures worthy of a first world nation, we can begin filling the history books with all sorts of cool stuff for the kids to study.

     If you want to show loyalty to your country, speak out about the things that matter to you.  Write your representatives, vote, attend caucuses, join an activist organization.  Volunteer.  Tell people what you think about the latest actions of your government.  And for Pete’s sake, pay your taxes, and don’t cheat.  Seriously.  There may be waste, and there may be pork-barrel items, and there may be things you’re paying for you don’t agree with.  But your taxes are not buying a 14-caratgold-plated palace for our dictator du jour.  We have a reasonably stable first-world infrastructure and a system that is malleable to change under the hands of a focused, united and driven populace.  Work with that.  It’s not perfect, but if you don’t use what you have; don’t complain about what you don’t have.