I tend to be an agent of chaos, confusion, and disruption.  Not always – not even often.  That would be too predictable.  No, just sometimes, when it seems right.  When the equilibrium seems just a little too unchallenged and smug, that’s when I feel the urge to grind the gears.  When I’m bored or annoyed with the uniformity of it all, and something simply must be done.  The being described by Neal Stephanson as “The Imp of the Perverse” rears his ugly head and says “You could really make a muddled mess of this.  Wouldn’t that be fun?”

     So, we’ve had the War on Drugs for a while, and I’ve never really become a warrior in it, because I don’t really care much one way or another.  I mean, it’s pretty clear that the toll of enforcement, stigmatization, and the obscenity of large corporations profiting from the incarceration of human beings based on a completely invented class of crime is taking its toll on our society on the economic, and justice fronts.  On the other hand, it’s also clear that drugs are bad for you.  Don’t argue with me.  I know it, you know it.  Let's move on.  Really, either side in the war has its downside, and I can’t commit to fight for either side with a clear conscience.

     Then, there’s the War on Christmas.  It’s pretty clear that rampant consumerism and a sense of entitlement and the climate of righteous wrath that pervade the celebration of Christmas in these times has a human and societal cost.  On the other hand, who wants to cross Santa and Jesus in one fell swoop?  I mean.  They may not exist…but if they do…my, but your ass would be toast, and it just doesn’t seem worth it.

     So I’ve kept out of both wars.

     Until now.

     The Imp of the Perverse has whispered in my ear, and this is what he said:*

1)      Alcohol has known harmful effects on the health of those who use it.  It is mildly carcinogenic, meaning it can cause cancer.  It causes brain cell death.  It contributes to misery and degradation, and the implosion of families.  Every year, people die of overdose on Alcohol or due to Alcohol related accidents.  It is extremely addictive.  Despite this, it is a legal, controlled substance.  People over the age of 21 have few restrictions on their use of alcohol.  Surgeon-General warning labels must be attached to every Alcoholic beverage sold in the US.

2)      LSD alters the brain chemistry of the people who use it, and those changes can be persistent.  It causes changes in perception that can be dangerous in some situations.  It is mildly addictive.  It is very difficult to OD on it.  It is an illegal substance.  You cannot possess, buy, sell, or use LSD in any quantity legally in the United States.  Its use is absolutely restricted.  Public-funded school programs and Public-Service announcements warn of the dangers of using this drug.

3)      Marajuana is very difficult to OD on.  It is less addictive than alcohol or tobacco.  It has some level of situational danger, but less than alcohol or LSD.  It is related to less crime, and in particular, it is related to less violent crime than any other recreational drug legal or illegal.  It is reputed to have some medicinal benefits for relieving the pain of terminal patients, and preventing dangerous weight loss in cancer patients undergoing chemo therapy.  You cannot possess, buy, sell, or used any quantity legally in the United States.  Its use is absolutely restricted by the Federal Government.  Some states are not cooperating with this ban. Public-funded school programs and Public-Service announcements warn of the dangers of using this drug.

4)      Gasoline is a mildly addictive drug when used as an inhalant.  It is extremely carcinogenic.  Even moderate use causes significant brain-cell death.  It is extremely easy to over-dose on.  Its use as a drug is widespread and growing amongst the youth of the United States, and its negative effects are permanent and debilitating.  Gasoline is a legal, controlled substance.  Its sale is restricted to children over the age of sixteen.  Its use as a drug is illegal.  Warnings on gas pumps, School Programs and Public Service announcements warn of the dangers of using this drug.

Sure, public policy in the drug war is inconsistent, schizophrenic and artificial…What does this have to do with the War on Christmas, you ask?

Well…I’ll tell you.

5)      Nutmeg is a mild hallucinogen.  When fresh, it is very effective, addictive, and extremely easy to overdose upon, and is therefore dangerous to take as a drug (in other words, DON’T DO IT, IDIOT, and I’m not responsible if you do).  It is the traditional spice in many holiday confections, which are readily accessible to children.  Roughly five grams is an effective dosage to gain a Nutmeg “high” in an adult.  A five-year-old can buy it over the counter at any grocery store in the country.  It is completely legal, and completely unrestricted.  Parents and children are more informed of the dangers of accidentally ingesting household plants and dish-soap than they are of the dangers presented by this drug.  

Nutmeg is the key, people!  WE don’t have to fight THEM!  All we have to do is pull the linch-pin on this grenade, and they will destroy themselves.

I’m all for keepin’ it simple.

* don't stake your life, health or sanity on any of the information in this entry.  It is from what I remember from a Drug Use and Abuse class I took way back in the '80's.  So seriously...if you want to be entertained, and you find my blog entertaining...read away.  If you want to be informed...go somewhere else.  Really.