Folding, spindeling, and mutilating lauguage for fun since Aug, 2004
Thursday, 13 December 2007

Wow!  I don't know what "Don't eat pins" means...

...but I guess she really means it.

I sure hope I don't do THAT again.

Thursday, 13 December 2007 06:17:30 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [0] | #
Tuesday, 26 June 2007

I KNOW I was supposed to "heel".

And I KNOW mom yelled "NO!" at me to remind me.

But that doesn't mean she has to laugh at me and tell everyone about me "attacking" a little stone bunny garden ornament.

I mean, I didn't exactly "attack" it, I just sort of charged it and swatted it with my paw.

 

Also, I don't think it was right for her to laugh so hard at me freaking out over the swimming buoy in the lake.  I'd never seen one before, and you have to admit, they look like something that should be barked at.

And pounced on when they don't respond.

And run away from when they duck you under the water, and then come up under your belly with the rope.

 

I'm not sure my dignity can survive another walk with mom.

Tuesday, 26 June 2007 08:21:11 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [1] | #
Tuesday, 22 May 2007

These humans, with their screwed up priorities:

"Come on Jay, we gotta get Grasshopper to the school bus on time.  Rush rush rush."

Sigh.  Don't they know that you have to stop and smell the irises once in a while?

And then lick them?

And then shove your head right in the middle of the Iris bed, and shake your head around to get the smell on you?

They just don't know what they're missing.

Tuesday, 22 May 2007 07:38:41 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [4] | #
Sunday, 13 May 2007

Oh!  So THAT'S what they mean by "fetch"!  I don't get it...

...if they want you to bring it back, why don't they just say "Bring it back?"

Why do they always have to make things so complicated?

Sunday, 13 May 2007 20:46:10 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [0] | #
Friday, 20 April 2007

What is this thing?  It smells like a bunny, yet is is not bunny-shaped.  What a funny flat, fuzzy, bunny-smelling-but-not-bunny thing.

I want to figure it out, but mom keeps yelling something about getting out of the road.  I suppose I better go see what she wants.

Friday, 20 April 2007 16:39:14 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [2] | #
Monday, 09 April 2007

Wait...those things, those things that are gliding across the water?  You know, the ones that go 'quack'?  They smell like...like...like something I WANT.

 

Monday, 09 April 2007 19:19:40 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [3] | #
Wednesday, 28 February 2007

I'm helping Mom sew!  Push the peddle - make noise.  Push the peddle - make noise.  It's fun and all, but I wonder why mom does it so much?

[mom's note:  Jay puts his paw on top of my foot and "helps" me push down when I want to sew.  He might or might not make a good hunting dog, but maybe we should think of tailor as an alternative occupation?]

Wednesday, 28 February 2007 09:24:38 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [0] | #
Sunday, 21 January 2007

Boy, those humans do NOT react well to you chewing a hole in the indoor grass.  Sheesh. You'd think it dosesn't grow back or something.

Sunday, 21 January 2007 21:24:18 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [0] | #
Thursday, 18 January 2007

Sheet music is DELICIOUS!

Thursday, 18 January 2007 08:01:18 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [2] | #
Tuesday, 05 December 2006

There is a monster living in that storm drain.  I don't know what it looks like.  It might be a dragon, or a vampire, or a giant mutant bunny with sharp teeth, a lust to revenge it's kind, and a taste for sweet, tender puppy meat....but oh, yes, it's there.  It's there.

Tuesday, 05 December 2006 11:23:17 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [4] | #
Monday, 04 December 2006

Bil*Jac Liver Dog Treats for Dogs are AWESOME!  I think I might just turn myself inside out to earn one of those things.  I hope Mom doesn't ask me to, though.

Popcorn is good too.

Monday, 04 December 2006 23:35:13 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [0] | #
Wednesday, 22 November 2006

Those Scooby Doo dog biscuits taste like ass.  And not in the good "Great, now I'm completely clean" sort of way.  Not in a "nice to meet you, how you doin'" sort of way.

No, they taste like ass in the "I'll only eat this dog biscuit if you reward me with another treat" sort of way.

 

I'm just sayin'.

Wednesday, 22 November 2006 18:34:19 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [0] | #
Tuesday, 14 November 2006

5)  That puppy in the window needs a serious smack-down.  Who does he think he is, coming onto the deck of my house after dark and barking at me and running at me whenever I run at him, as if he thinks he can run me off?  He's not all that.  Man, if I ever catch that little bastard, he's meat.  That'll show him for mocking me by copying my every move.

 

But in the mean-time, I wonder what my family is laughing at?  Humans.  Go figure.

Tuesday, 14 November 2006 22:20:39 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [0] | #
Sunday, 12 November 2006

4)  If you suddenly realize that you are doing something you know the human's don't want you to do (say, fer instance, nibbling the edge of the table cloth), you can pre-empt punishment by dropping to your belly on the floor and covering your face with your paws in a gesture that clearly says "Oh!  I'm  a BAD puppy."  Then, instead of saying "NO!" they will say "Oh!  What a SMARTIE!  Look at him!" and unload wheelbarrows full of love onto you.

Sunday, 12 November 2006 07:23:35 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [3] | #
Wednesday, 08 November 2006

1) Ration it.  You don't get a treat EVERY time you pee.  Sometimes the human is looking the other way.  Sometimes there is more than one human, and you find out that the human you are performing for isn't the one with the treats.  Sometimes they just decide to be assholes and give you a pat on the head and praise instead of a treat.  Peeing more often increases the chance that you will get rewarded.

2) Think it through first.  At first blush, racing up the stairs with the sock of your teenaged master in your mouth might seem like a good idea.  But it is rife with complications, such as the fact that the socks of a kid with size thirteen feet are longer than your actual body, and can get tangled in your feet and cause trippage.  You probably won't get hurt, but you will never recover your dignity.

3) Leaf piles are proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

 

Wednesday, 08 November 2006 15:15:49 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) | Comments [1] | #
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