OK everyone, it’s rant time again.  This one goes out to all the drama queens out there…OK wait, that’s not right.  You Drama Queens don’t know who you are, because you have your head so completely wrapped up in your “me-verse” that you have no clue that what I’m talking about applies to you.  Never Mind…go about your business.

     Let’s try this again shall we?

     This entry is for all of the people at the mercy of a drama queen.  You know you love them.  They have sparkling personalities, tons of charisma…they are talented, funny, engaging and witty…nothing about them is ordinary and mundane.  They see the world in bright colors and sharp lines, and you get a glimpse into a more lively, intense, passionate world when you are around them.  They are more alive than anyone else you know.

     Even their problems are interesting…compelling…larger than life, engaging.  It’s so easy to get swept into them and carried along…

     Let’s just stop there, shall we?  We all know where this is headed.  Drama Queens are people who’s problems run their lives…and eventually the lives of their friends.  They are energy-sucking bottomless pits of need and inadequacy.  Their problems become your problems.  When they are unhappy, you are unhappy, and if you’re not…you’re not a true friend.  You feel their pain, you mess up your schedule to accommodate theirs, you have to pass tests of friendship which often means trying to read their minds so they can feel “understood”.  You frequently feel exhausted, inadequate, put-upon and used…even possibly manipulated and emotionally abused if they are good enough.

     And you let them do it to you because they are really quite good people, and when they are happy and everything is good they are fun and bright and engaging and they can be really good friends in their own right.  You get something out of this, which is why you keep going back and why you let the boundaries slide after a while.  You get to feel needed, you get to feel important and indispensable, you get to prove just how far you will go to help a friend…you get to feel like a rescuer, a savior, a hero…

     Stop it.  Just stop it.  It’s not worth it, and you know it.  Sure, it feels good for a while, but the more you feed their need for drama and emotional attachment and intensity of feeling directed at them, the more they are going to draw on you, and you know they won’t stop until there’s nothing left…because that’s how it always ends.  You have to put up your boundaries, you have to hold them to it, and you have to tell them the truth.  You might be afraid that they will storm off in a huff and never speak to you again…and they might…but I don’t think they will.

     Because they really do like you.  They really do need you, and they really do care about you.  Chances are, they have no idea the effect they have on you.  Chances are, that if they are shown the pattern, and made to see it, they will be mortified at their behavior and work with you to stop it.  They need you to pull them out of their own loop of self-centered bullshit and set them on the path for getting their needs met without the drama.  They need you to set limits and boundaries and help them engage people in a way that is more healthy for everyone.

     And you need to do it for yourself, too.  So, here is a list of suggestions of what to tell them…just to get you thinking in the right direction:

1)      It’s not all about you.  If I don’t come to your party, it’s not because I don’t care…it’s because I have something else going on.  If I forget your birthday, it’s not a slight directed at you, it’s because I have my own life.  If I promise I’ll do something and forget, it’s not because I blew you off.  I forgot.  I’m sorry…but it’s just not healthy for you to take it personally.

2)      Your problems are your problems.  They are not my problems.  I have problems of my own, and I don’t need yours.  I’m happy to help, if you have some specific requests that are reasonable, and don’t require me to subvert my life for you, I will do my best to accommodate them.  If you need a friendly and sympathetic ear, I am delighted to provide that.  I’m your friend and I love you…but no amount of love or concern can change the fact that your problems belong to you, and you are the only one who can solve them.  If they’re too much for you, may I suggest consulting a professional?

3)      I don’t take friendship tests.  My friendship credentials are fully established, and I just don’t feel the need to prove myself further.  In particular, I don’t read minds or engage in any sort of “friendship-proving behavior”.  If you need to be someone’s number one priority and their unwavering attention, approval and love…get a dog.  They’re great for that.  If you can’t accept that someone could care about you without having to prove themselves, that is a personal problem, and no amount of demonstration of devotion will ever be enough….please consider spending as much time, energy and effort on your self-esteem as you do devising new tests for your friends.

4)      Fake emotional ploys used to hook me in and get me emotionally engaged in your life will henceforth be met with being ignored, being mocked, or being confronted in an openly hostile and angry fashion, depending on my mood and the frequency with which you use these tactics.  If I am feeling particularly well-balanced and beneficent that day, I might use psudo-therapy psycho-babble calling you on your behavior and explaining it’s inappropriateness and the bad effects it has on me…but I really, really wouldn’t count on it if I were you.  My definition of fake emotional ploys include; picking fights for no good reason, “the silent treatment”, fake suicide attempts, self-destructive behavior, and passive/aggressive behavior of any kind…these things are manipulative, dishonest, and frankly, they are emotionally abusive and life is short enough and hard enough without the added bullshit, so either give up these behaviors or take a hike, because I don’t need it.  I’m sorry if that seems cold and uncaring to you.  If it does, please take an extra thirty seconds and review #’s 1 -3.

Thank you, that is all.  End of rant.